c H i i s A i’s Blog

nonstop! that was the theme for the 2008 regional youth conference of the youth for Christ held last october 25 and 26, 2008 at phil. women’s university. i was there! and it was an amazing experience. well, i had been to conference of the singles for Christ, but that was the first time ever i had witnessed too many young individuals gathered as one to glorify HIM.

i was with this group of wonderful young dancers. i taught few dance steps to them since i was convinced by my partner, julius, that i’d be with them. so everyday that i was able to practice with them, i also had a chance to get to know them. they were wonderful, talented, energetic, funny and very friendly. they called me “ate” but i actually felt we were just of the same age. i mean, we really had the connection. or maybe that was just my “sisterly attitude” that got into them. well anyway, i helped them out form the dance steps, to their practices, to their make up and hairdo, to their outfits - and i never got tired of everything that i did! it was so much fun, i even bought myself a conference shirt as a remembrance!

but it was not all fun. we also grieved upon learning that the father of one of the dancers has passed away. Ara Muico was there every night during practice, even at that time her dad was at the hospital. but the night before the conference, we heard the bad news. we knew it was difficult for Ara and her family. but we never felt sorry for them. in fact, i was happy to see Ara the next day for her last practice. she was grieving, but she was stronger that any girl i saw. you know why? because i felt that she knew where her dad lies now - beside our Saviour, Jesus. when i saw Ara that night, i couldn’t help but just admire her - for her strength, her courage, her talent, her love for family, and most especially i admire her for her undying faith.

during the last day of the conference, i was still there. and the leader of the praise fest at that time explained why “nonstop” was chosen to be this year’s theme. it was because no matter how life seemed to be difficult, no matter how many times we fall, no matter how many trials we experience, we will be certain that God is with us and He will pour us His blessings nonstop. This just shows that God is unstoppable in providing us with everything, in His own, perfect time. thus, the theme: nonstop ang ligaya pag si Kristo ang kasama. during the praise fest, i witnessed every youth who cried not because of pain, but because they found truth by just being in the conference. the truth that with GOD, everything is unstoppable and nothing is impossible. honestly, my eyes were also filled with tears because i was moved by what i have witnessed. it was truly an amazing opportunity with me, not only to have shared my talent with them, but also to have gained so much respect for all of them and most importantly, to have discovered God in a much deeper sense.

• to tta corky, ate trina, tta nel, kuya mike, yen2x, isah, philip, jorie, blaise, maita, ara, ian, ping, freddie, jay2, von & his group, and to everybody: i thank all of you. it really was a spirit-filled experience for me. thanks for your patience, your trust, your warm welcome and your smiles despite the problems that took place. i wish i can work with you again. God bless you all.
• to julius: well thank you for allowing me to be your dance partner and for this opportunity. well, it’s always been fun and i have always been happy working with you. until next project, i hope. thanks a lot. God bless.

yes, i did it again! or should i say, it happened again!

again, i almost (or i already have) lost control of my emotions. i almost decided to end a very wonderful and steady relationship and move on to something that is unsure. again, i allowed someone to enter my life, allowed him to reach to my heart; and with just a single snap of the finger, it all came tumbling down, crushing my world into pieces, leaving my heart broken! the situation was nothing new! yes, it happened before. but the pain? it is killing me. well, i know there is no one to blame but me! yes, blame me for being such a fool, for being so stupid, and yes maybe, blame me for being too easy! he was sweet, thoughtful, hardworking and most of all, he was God-fearing. but those traits could not fix my heart which he ripped apart. he even has no idea of what i am feeling right now. from a distance, i seemed okay. he thought i am just fine. he went on talking and teasing. but deep inside i knew it’s just for a show. bullshit! he doesn’t care anymore! he leaves me behind, leaves me hanging! and this is tearing me apart! i feel so aweful. i feel so hopeless. how can he change his mind (and his feelings) just like that? how can he make me fall so hard that it’s really difficult to move on? why did he hurt me? he has no idea what i can do for him. he has no idea how much love i can give him. but, this is all i got: dark circles under the eyes for tearful, sleepless nights and a heart full of pain and never wanting to beat again!